Everyone in a relationship knows that disagreements and fights are inevitable.
When two people spend a lot of time together, with their lives intertwining, they are bound to disagree from time to time.
Some disagreements could be big or small. The fact you fight with your partner isn’t a sign that you are not with your right soul mate. If handled properly, fighting can actually strengthen your relationship.
However, did you know that you can handle the disagreement without having to tell your friends? In our society, it is almost like a normal thing. Anytime someone is having an argument with the partner, they must tell their friends to talk on their behalf. This isn’t advisable. It will only lead to gossip, mockery and back biting. When you were getting into a relationship with the the person, did you seek their consent? No! It was your choice. Why then involve them when you have an issue with the person?
Here are 10 constructive ways to resolve a disagreement in your relationship without causing more harm:
1) Be Direct:
Some people find it hard to come out plain and tell their partner what is bothering them. Rather they act hostile to their mate expressing their issue indirectly. Instead of dodging the topic, tell them what’s on your mind and have it sorted out. Because your partner might misinterpret the message being sent and thats where the argument begins.
2) Talk About How You Feel Without Throwing Blames:
Statements that directly assault your partner’s character can be damaging to a relationship. Tell your partner how you feel without blaming him/her. I would prefer you use the “I statement”. Example, “I get irritated when you claim I’m flirting with someone during an innocent chat”. With this you have passed the message without laying blames.
3) Never say ‘never'(or ‘always’):
When settling an issue, you should avoid using general terms about your partner. Statements like you never do this or you always do that will only make your partner defensive and bring up instances when he/she actually did/didn’t do those things.
4) Pick Your Own Battles:
If you are having a constructive discussion, you need to focus on one issue at a time. Unhappy couples are likely to drag multiple topics into one discussion. Making it impossible to settle any issue at all.
5) Really Listen To Him or Her:
It can be very annoying when you feel your partner isn’t listening or paying attention to you. When you always interrupt or assume you know what they are thinking, you are not giving them opportunity to express themselves. Even if you are confident that you know where your partner is coming from, you could still be wrong, and your partner will still feel like you’re not listening. Show your partner you’re paying attention by using active listening techniques. Answering any question being asked in a reasonable manner.
6) Don’t Automatically Object To His Or Her Complaints:
When you get criticized, its hard not to get defensive. But being defensive won’t solve the problem. Never “cross-complain”. That is never respond to your partner’s complaint with one of your own. Like making it seem you have more problems than your partner.
7) Take A Different Perspective:
In addition to listening to your partner, you need to take their perspective and try to understand where they are coming from. Those that can take their partner’s perspective are less likely to get angry during a conflict discussion. Taking a more objective perspective can be helpful.
8) Do Not Show Contempt:
Of all the negative things to do or say during a conflict, the worse may be contempt. Contemptuous remarks can belittle your partner. This can involve sarcasm or name-calling. It can also involve non-verbal gestures like rolling of eyes, smirking, making funny noises and so on that may seem offensive and disrespectful.
9) Don’t Get Overwhelmed With Negativity:
It can be hard not to respond to a partner’s bad behavior with an even worse behavior. But doing so will only make the conflict worse. When couples engage in “negative affect reciprocity”, they trade more and more heated insult. As the conflict goes on, the negativity escalates.
10) Know When To Stop:
If you see yourself falling into negative patterns and find that either you or your partner is not following the tips above, consider taking a time-out from your argument. A short break with a few deep breaths can be enough to cool your temper.
Also for a healthy relationship I would advice let effective communication be established because most argument erupts from not giving ear to your partner’s opinion. Relationship is a two party affair. With different opinions and personalities. Yes there will be disputes but your ability to handle it matters.
You can also read how to deal with a busy partner in case you’re having challenges with that.